I suffer from depression and those who have been there know it:
It’s quite an ugly battle. For over two years now, every day I make it through
is one huge victory. Sometimes the beast (that’s how I call and visualize my
condition, like something overpowering and monstrous) kicks in with all its
force and it seems as if I won’t be able to fight it off once anymore.
In search for a cure to my illness I went to many different
sources: I took antidepressants (Lexapro, anyone?). I went to therapy with a
psychologist who had three lustrous diplomas on her wall and whose long years
of education couldn’t do much to help me. I quit my loathed job, found a new
career…
Of course, I also tried to exercise because physical
activity is a great aid in the treatment to depression, everyone says, if only
I had enough energy to get out of bed! Some days I feel so lousy that the sole
act of taking a shower implies a great accomplishment; to think I could perform
any fitness task is ludicrous!
By the end of my second year “battling the beast”, I found a
licensed counselor that accepted my insurance and started anew with a cognitive
behavioral approach. And boom! She did not make me sit down and talk about what
went wrong in my childhood and analyze it for hours and hours with no end in
sight.
Instead, she helped me identify the negative behaviors that
I was bound to repeat -given my background and upbringing, and then replace
those with positive ones in order to build up my confidence, increase my
self-esteem and get me out of the dark path I had been stuck in for so long.
And that’s how I came to discover my very own type of
treatment for depression, what I call “The Home Depot therapy. One of the
things I learned from the cognitive behavioral perspective is that you can’t
change your life and expect to beat depression overnight; it takes time, and it
takes baby steps; baby steps are fine and ultimately will conduct you to find
the light at the end of the tunnel, and -let me tell you, getting out of there
is pure bliss.
So based on this principle, after more than five years in
our tiny condo with an almost-never-used small patio, I decided to grow a
garden. I did not embark on this venture with the goal of creating an enchanted
“out of your dreams” retreat, but merely with the “baby step” of growing a few
herbs, strawberries, and a bush of roses. And so my blog begins.
More than providing gardening tips (because I’m no expert,
that’s for sure); my intention when I share with you my trial-and-error
approach to renovate our patio is to show you that, regardless of how deep and
dark your depression might feel, there is hope, there is a silver lining in
your sky, you might not see it yet, but it is there, believe it.
In my experience, no beast will beat your spirit as long as
you are willing to kneel, either you fall on your knees to pray and ask God to
help you get through the day, or kneel in order to dig in so you can plant a 3
dollar herb sprout, it is always good to be on your knees from time to time. Get
dirty and sweaty, and sit back and relax to enjoy the fruits of your hard work
either in prayer or in the garden, or even both!
With love and hope,
Nancy C. Harris
This is me in our tiny patio on a chilly morning of April, 2010, indulging in fresh baked blueberrie muffins and butter! Don't insult my taste buds with fake butter, I want the real thing!
